Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't make out with my wife yet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
