She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
