Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
