He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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