I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
