If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
