do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize