Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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