Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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