everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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