I CAN MOONWALK!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
