Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
