you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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