ugly people sure do ruin things
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i believe in u and ur pee
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
