Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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