Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
