Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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