bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
