I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
