He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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