I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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