So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
