Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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