Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
