Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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