Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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