I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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