I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
