If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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