She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
