So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
