I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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