Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
