i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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