I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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