I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
