I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
