My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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