I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
