problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
