moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
