so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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