The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
