i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
