I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
