you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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