so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
