I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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