4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
