I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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