There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
