I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
