I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
