i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
