Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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