Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can I color on your dick again?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
