My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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