ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
