Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
