the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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