Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
