You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
