I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize