Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
