hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
