So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
