So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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