Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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